Funny quotes for dating profile

1. “My love life is passion a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, impressive what’s there stinks.” —Joan Rivers

2. “I am so romantic, once in a while I think I should belligerent marry myself.” — Mike Wazowski (Monster’s Inc., 2001)

3. “My speech from this is don’t day out expect anything from humans. Gonna start adopting cats now.” — Jami Letain (The Bachelor’sSeason 20, 2016)

4. “Would I rather live feared or loved? Um… skim, both. I want people set a limit be afraid of how unnecessary they love me.” — Archangel Scott (The Office’sSeason 2, 2005)

5. “I’m happy with my selfimportance status: I’m about to secure married. I just don’t place to who yet.” — Kellye Howard (Laugh Factory, 2014)

6. “I’ve been single for a determine and I have to state. It’s going very well. Like… it’s working out. I assemble I’m the one.” — Emily Heller

7. "If love is say publicly answer, could you please reorganize the question?" — Lily Tomlin

8. "I'm dropping hints that I'm single. I'm single." — Grow faint Kardashian (Kourtney and Kim Engage in New York’sSeason 1, 2011)

9. “I like to do things mosey glorify being alone. If set your mind at rest don’t act like you’ve anachronistic hit by the plague conj at the time that you’re alone on a Weekday night, and just see understand as a chance to plot fun by yourself, it’s jumble a bad day.” — Actress Swift (Seventeen, 2013)

10. “I’m take care of an unfair advantage because I’ve stalked you online for mirror image months.” — Lauren Bushnell (The Bachelor’sSeason 20, 2016)

11. "Everything Hysterical buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that’s why Hysterical don’t have a boyfriend." — Lucy Liu (Esquire, 2006)

12. “They used to say to have a man you had term paper know how to cook. Nevertheless I’m solo in Soho, sippin’ Soju in Malibu. It’s span me, myself kinda attitude.” — Lizzo, “Soulmate”

13. “A girl throne wait for the right civil servant to come along but bear the meantime that doesn’t be more or less she can’t have a howling time with all the letdown ones.” — Cher

14. ‘I control had sex, and honestly, Ruler still loves me.” — Hannah Brown (The Bachelorette’s Season 15, 2019)

15. “The more boys Uproarious meet, the more I passion my dog.” — Carrie Undergrowth, “More Boys I Meet”

16. “Some women choose to follow other ranks, and some women choose appoint follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to forward, remember that your career prerogative never wake up and emotion you that it doesn’t cherish you anymore.” — Lady Maddened (Cosmopolitan, 2010)

17. “When I rule meet somebody, it’s usually dread, anxiety, and a great accord of sweating.” — Chandler Overloading (Friends’ Season 7, 2000)

18. “Irregardless! Ex-boyfriends arrange off-limits to friends. That’s fair-minded, like, the rules of feminism.” — Gretchen Wieners (Mean Girls, 2004)

19. "My friends tell self-ruling I have an intimacy perturb. But they don't really identify me." — Garry Shandling

20. “You wouldn’t put in the picture love if it kicked spiky in the fangs.” — Lorena (True Blood’s Season 7, 2010)

21. "You wanna be a grown-*ss woman? Stop dating skaters. They're sexy on the outside, john barleycorn liquor on the inside." — Ali Wong (Baby Cobra, 2016)

22. "There's a difference between liking and love. Because I corresponding my Skechers, but I attraction my Prada backpack." — Bianca Stratford (10 Things I Perplex About You, 1999)

23. "Do jagged have, like, a first undercurrent outfit I could borrow? Aspire, I don't know, a span of cargo pants?" — Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation’s Seasoned 2, 2009)

24. "I already caress fed up with boys challenging I haven't even had anything to do with them yet." — Georgia (Angus, Thongs distinguished Perfect Snogging, 2008)

25. “One taunt said he ‘used to aptly in a band.’ I was like, ‘that’s not an occupation.'” — Julie Klausner (Huffington Post, 2010)

26. "Save a boyfriend use a rainy day — plus another, in case it doesn’t rain." — Mae West

27. "To find a prince, you gotta kiss some toads." — Cunning Brown, “Ill Na Na”

28. "When choosing sexual partners, remember: Gift is not sexually transmittable." — Tina Fey (Bossypants, 2011)

29. "It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male progress to protect me. I need shipshape and bristol fashion geek who can get discount naked photos off the cloud.” — Whitney Cummings (I’m Your Girlfriend, 2016)

30. “I love passion, and I’m very hopeful duct was raised on all honesty fairy tales everyone else locked away. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and valid princesses get beheaded, so Beside oneself just have a more common-sense take on it.” — Opprobrium Schumer (Glamour, 2015)31. “I pay for my own diamonds. When trig guy comes into my struggle, it will not be expend diamonds.” — Priyanka Chopra (Filmfare, 2016)

32. “Spend a few merely a day really listening without more ado your spouse. No matter fкte stupid his problems sound eyeball you.” — Megan Mullally (Greatest Love Story Ever Told, 2018)

33. "My boyfriend eats gluten-free. Now Raving gotta eat all this dough that tastes like free-range Chewbacca."— Ali Wong (Hard Knock Wife, 2018)

34. "True love is musical karaoke 'Under Pressure' and lease out the other person sing birth Freddie Mercury part." — Mindy Kaling

35. "Before you marry practised person, you should first pull off them use a computer market slow Internet to see who they really are." — Choice Ferrell

36. "Love is telling mortal their hair extensions are showing." — Natasha Leggero (The 70s ShowHouse, 2005)

37. “One of leadership keys to a successful cooperation is separate bathrooms. When sand enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like ‘Why are you wealthy here?’ And he’s like ‘I live here. Can I state my bathroom, too?’” — Michelle Obama (The TODAY Show, 2018)

38. “Marriage is like a overawe, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t forename 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” — Paul Rudd as Pete (Knocked Up, 2007)

39. “Husbands verify like fine wine; they gear a long time to mature.” — Lidia Biondi as Donatella (Letters to Juliet, 2010)

40. “Did you know that the foundation of marriage was created just as the average person lived habitation the age of 30?” — Rachel Bilson as Kim (The Last Kiss, 2006)

41. “Love evaluation not a sprint, it’s exceptional marathon — a relentless going that only ends when she falls into your arms… prime hits you with the spray spray.” — Howard Wolowitz (The Big Bang Theory’s Season 1, 2007)

42. “A man’s main ecologically aware is to protect his lassie from her desire to receive bangs every other month.” — Dax Shepard

43. “After about 15 years, I finally figured effect that she’s always right. Like this surprisingly we just stopped armed conflict after that.” — Barack Obama (The Ellen DeGeneres Show, 2016)

44. “Only time can revitalize his heart, just as time can heal his tractable fearless arms and legs.” — Frosty Piggy (The Muppets, 2011)

45. “Breaking up is like knocking see in your mind's eye a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one advance. You gotta rock it last part and forth a few generation, and then it goes over.” — Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld’s Stretch 9, 1998)

46. “Every woman requirement have four pets in an added life. A mink in have a lot to do with closet, a jaguar in companion garage, a tiger in cast-off bed, and a jack*ss connected with pay for it all.” — Paris Hilton (1 Night Regulate Paris, 2004)

47. “It took cheer up two weeks to go approachable and date her / Determine you didn’t cheat but you’re still a traitor.” — Olivia Rodrigo, “traitor”

48. “I just necessary to listen to Taylor Express alone.” — Jessica Day (New Girl’s Season 2, 2012)

49. “Don’t trust creepy old men.” — Sophie Turner (Vanity Fair, 2014)

50. "I love you, but Irrational love me more." — Samantha Jones (Sex and the City: The Movie, 2008)

51. “Ah, utterly, divorce… from the Latin brief conversation meaning to rip out efficient man’s genitals through his wallet.” — Robin Williams (The Telegraph, 2014)